Hump Day Hook!

humpdayhookThis is a weekly blog hop that happens every Wednesday–Hump Day–where authors can showcase and share their work. Find other delightful hooks HERE.

This week I could use a little feed-back! I’m writing a story for the GoodReads M/M Romance promt this year. What do you think of this beginning? Does it make you yawn or want to read more? I don’t want to disappoint the reader who entered the picture I chose!

*  *  *  *

Luke pushed through the locker room doors, letting them slam shut behind him with a satisfying thunk that echoed off the tiled showers. Goddamn Gabe. Two weeks until playoffs and his Right Forward and supposedly ‘ace in the hole’ player was letting his game slip. Probably hadn’t stepped foot on a soccer field all week.

His gaze shot across the room at a burst of jeering laughter from the group gathered at the showers. Shit. The toughness that made Gabe a killer on the field also made him dangerous to cross and a fucking bully to the less skillful players on the team. In Gabe’s mind, that pretty much included everyone.

He couldn’t see who the target was this time and skirted the upright lockers. Riley, his new Left Guard, stood under a shower rinsing shampoo from his hair as if he couldn’t hear the vicious remarks being aimed at him. Luke groaned, not only for the harassment but also at the way his dick jumped as he watched the white suds slide down a slim back towards a sweet little ass.

He jerked his head up at Gabe’s words, “And the little faggot can’t kick a ball more than ten feet. Don’t know why Ackley let him on the team in the first place.”

Luke clenched his hands and stepped up to the group, glaring at Gabe. “Shut your mouth.” His voice was even, but there was no denying the threat in his tone.

Gabe gave him a startled look, then a sneer crossed his ruddy face. “Or what? You know his playing sucks. As captain I’d think you’d be happy to be rid of the queer and his equally pathetic boyfriend.”

 

 

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About diannehartsock

Author of paranormal/suspense, fantasy/adventure, m/m romance and anything else that comes to mind. Oh, and a floral designer.
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33 Responses to Hump Day Hook!

  1. Grrrr! I do hope Luke gives Gabe a good thumping. Very powerful hook. I very definately want to read more. I want to see the bully get what’s coming to him. Thank you for sharing this. 😉

  2. Two things… I love the sensual suds :c) and M O R E woman!
    The entire beginning is very powerful and makes me only disappointed that there isn’t more, so no worries about yawns. I wanna read the rest

  3. YES! Definitely want to keep reading!!! Good job:)

  4. Jessica Subject says:

    Makes me want to keep reading! 🙂

  5. Sue says:

    Of course I want to keep reading. A tad confused and is probably me and not the writing. Gabe is the bully calling others “queer” etc. Does he not know Luke is Gay? Is Gabe gay? I does make sense that Gabe is a bully –and letting his game slip. I wanna know more about the “shower boy” too 😀

  6. Sherry Gloag says:

    A lot of unanswered questions in this opening which caught my interest. I like the instant angst between him and Gabe. Like the others the shower comment was great.

  7. Great hook, well done!

  8. I think it’s a fantastic opening. It definitely makes me want to read more.

  9. JadeCrystal says:

    You definitely grabbed my attention, Dianne! I want more. I would love to see the bully get what he deserves. That is always satisfying. Of course, it would be just as satisfying if Gabe turned out to be gay and attracted to the poor guy he is bullying and if they worked through it and ended up together.

    I also have to say that it made me laugh when I read the part about Gabe being the “ace in the hole” player. I can’t tell if that is supposed to be an innuendo but I found it quite amusing. Maybe Luke would like to put his ace in Gabe’s hole…or the other way around…let me stop, lol. Great hook, Dianne, and I hope you continue it.

  10. valloryv says:

    I definitely want to read more…I am loving Luke already!

  11. Def intrigued and would keep reading! It’s a great hook 🙂

  12. Kathleen Grieve says:

    Uh oh! Theres gonna be some fists flying! Great job!

  13. I love that he has someone to stand up for him. Good choice!

  14. C.R. Moss says:

    I’m intrigued. I liked the suds comment. No yawns here & I wouldn’t mind reading more. 🙂
    C.R.

  15. Nice hook! Can’t wait to read more 🙂

  16. naomi says:

    Gabe needs decking. Great hook.

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