Hello! I’m so glad you made it by. It’s wonderful to see so many people participating in this hop, especially with suicide being so prevalent in the LGBT community. Though I would guess most of us are here because of our own experience with suicide, either through a loved one or even our own moment of hopelessness.
For me it was a night in September when I was fifteen years old. The sky was bright with stars! But my world had become a tiny, suffocating box that collapsed on me that night. I stood at the side of the deep end of the pool. It would be so easy! A single step, sink to the bottom, breathe in the cool water.
No more hurting inside, no aching loneliness. No more days locked in my room after school, safe from drunken parents and a lecherous brother who wouldn’t keep his FUCKING HANDS TO HIMSELF! No more days at school where the guys I liked ignored me, spent with a best girl friend who I could never tell how much I loved her because—God!—what a freak I’d be then.
What kept me going was my sister’s promise that once I graduated, I could come live with her. It was that reaching out that saved me, knowing there was someone in the world who cared. I think this is the single most important thing people need to hear: I care what happens to you.
I know of a young man, a friend of some friends—I’ll call him Liam because I’ve always liked that name. Liam is shy, sensitive, gay. Living at home because he can’t afford his own place, yet unable to come out to his parents because they’ve already said they’d disown a gay son.
This beautiful boy is made to feel like he’s a burden, unworthy of love by the very people who should be supporting him the most. He says it’s hard now to believe anyone could genuinely care about him, that he’s living in a box that’s growing smaller every day. (I know that desperate feeling!) And his friends sense a deep sadness in him that breaks my heart.
Though I wish there was something I could do for him, I know Liam’s going to make it through this hard time in his life, able to face whatever the future brings, because he has friends who love and support him, will be there for him no matter what.
That’s the message I’d like to send today. You’re not alone. There’s so many people, myself included, who’d give anything to help you if you’d only reach out.
You are wonderful. Valuable. Worthwhile. Loveable. Not because others think so, but simply because you are you, a unique soul joined with ours.
I care what happens to you.
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He chewed his lips, working on the puzzle as he removed his sweat-drenched uniform and stepped under the shower. God, the water felt fantastic on his aching shoulders. He listened to the quiet murmurs behind him then the closing of the locker room doors. Thinking himself alone, he turned under the hot spray, surprised to see his new teammates sitting on the bench by their locker.
For just an instant he allowed his hungry gaze to travel over them. Riley’s brown hair clung damply to his head, already curling on the ends. He’d dressed and was holding his socks while Austin spoke quietly to him. Riley’s shoulders slumped at something he said, and Austin touched his back, drew Riley against his shoulder. Luke held his breath, wondering if they’d kiss. God, he wanted to see them kiss. He’d caught them making out the other day behind the gym and had almost come at the erotic sight of touching tongues and lips and roving hands.
Stifling a groan, he faced the green-tiled walls again, wondering how to hide his fat erection from their eyes. He couldn’t stay there forever. Maybe they’d leave soon. He remembered their kiss and suddenly ached to have those plump lips on him, on his mouth and dick.
Pain twisted through him and he put a fist against the wall, rested his head on his arm to let the hot shower spray run down his back. He couldn’t be attracted to those gorgeous guy. His parents wouldn’t accept it. His father sure as hell wouldn’t accept a gay son. A little more than a year of school to go. Eighteen more months. He had to hang on and graduate. After that, well, he could fuck anyone he wanted. But until then, his old man held the purse strings and Luke had to dance to the straight-as-an-arrow path expected of him.
The silence stretched out in the locker room. Had they left? He glanced over his shoulder and lost his breath. They stood with their arms around each other, both sets of pretty eyes on him. Tension built between them, thick and heavy in the humid air. His cock throbbed in sympathy. Could they tell? Did they sense how hot he was for them?
He faced the tiled wall again. “Go away,” he muttered, and hoped they took the gruffness in his voice for anger and not the aching lust that pulsed through him. He winced at Riley’s small gasp. Damn, he hadn’t meant to hurt him, not after Gabe’s cruelty.
An apology was on the tip of his tongue, but the two guys were already heading across the locker room when he faced them. Austin opened the door for Riley and they strolled out without a backward glance. Probably for the best. He looked down at his thick cock pointing toward the door they’d left by.
“You and me both,” he murmured, and ran a finger down the thick vein on the underside of his dick. He’d dated a few girls, for appearances, but it was a guy’s mouth he wanted on him, fantasized about for as long as he could remember. Which one would it be, though? He shivered suddenly. Could he have both beautiful men?
Thanks for being part of the hop and sharing your story. How sad of a world it is when parents are unwilling to accept their children for who they are. It’s great that he has friends like you.
Thank you so much for stopping in, Suz. Hugs.
My son spent over 4 years struggling to deal with severe PTSD and TBI from his 15 months in Iraq. On Jan. 2, 2011, he decided he could no longer do it and completed suicide. He was 25 and my oldest child, my sunshine, my pride and joy and my friend. We tried for many years to get him help, he was surrounded by loving family and friends, but I think sometimes he felt like a failure because he wasn’t able to handle it on his own. My sister and her husband are both physiologist’s so there was never any stigma about getting help. To say that his death devastated all of us is an understatement. I will never be the person I use to be, a part of me will be broken until I’m with him again. Thank you for bringing this subject out in the open, I talk about it often. My son didn’t do this to hurt us, he just wanted the pain to stop, I know that if he had been thinking clearly, knowing all the pain that we would be in, he never would have done this, he didn’t have a mean bone in his body. We talked about suicide often, the extra hurt that came when someone chooses to take their life and he promised me that if he ever felt like that, he would come to me. But one night after not sleeping for days and tired of the sounds and smells of battle assaulting him, he broke his promise and my heart. Suicide needs to be taken out of the closet, held like a dirty little secret, a brand of shame that only adds to the ones that attempt and the survivors. Only taking it out into the light of day and talking about it loudly instead of whispering in disgust will we then start to put a halt to this overwhelming tide of suicide.
Oh Sue… I wish I could make this all better for you and your precious son. Let’s hope we can make a difference for others this week.
The courage and kindness I’ve seen already has been amazing on this hop…you’re all doing a great thing by sharing your stories and ways to help!
Big hugs Trix! Love you. 🙂
I read Off Sides a while ago – so sweet. Austin so protective of Riley, and Luke wanting so much to be apart of it. You have an awesome blog – thank you.
Thanks so much for stopping in, Susan!
Thanks for sharing your story
bn100candg at hotmail dot com
I’m glad you made it by, bn100!
You message is so powerful and positive. You are right — so many are willing to help, even those they may not know. Thank you for being part of this hop, and I’m so very glad your sister was there to offer support.
Thank you so much for putting this hop together, Louisa. I’m very happy to be part of it. 🙂
Thanks for sharing your story Diane, lets hope more people in jeopardy get to hear of the support out there
Hi Suze! Hopefully we’re getting the message out there this week. Hugs!
Thank you for such a wonderful story and your message that you care. This hop is such a wonderful idea! I deal with the above issues with both my children on a regular basis and it’s difficult. Glad others care too:)
cc_clubbs at yahoo dot com
Thank you for stopping by, Cindi! There’s so many resources for your family. Make sure to use them!
I definitely will! This hop has given me some very crucial information that I can use:) Thank you
Thank you so much for participating and sharing. One thing I have never understood is parents who don’t love / care for their children. My daughter drives me to the end of my wits and then keeps pushing, but she’s mine and I love her, pink dreadlocks and all! (And I make a point to tell her, too).
Your daughter is very lucky to have you in her life! Hugs for being a great mom. 🙂
Thank Diane for the the wonderful post.
I am so very sorry for your young years in so much pain. Your stories shine through with such powerful emotions, and they are so lovingly crafted with care.
I have always supported our gay community, and wish I could just wrap them all in my my arms for a good hug or two.
I do so hope your young friend Liam will stay strong in his journey to adulthood. Sending out my love, thoughts and prayers for him, and all of our LGBT community.
Thank for being part of a good blog hop that gets the word out to everyone to step up to the plate and support our at risk youth and all the LGBT community.
Hugs, Darcy! It’s wonderful to see you participating in this hop. (I can always count on you! <3) Thank you for your kind words and your prayers for Liam. He's an amazing person, I hope he knows that. 🙂
Thank you for sharing your story. My parents worked a lot when i was a kid (the still do) so I don’t really get to see and spend as much time with them as I liked growing up. I can really relate to your story and I understand how you’ve felt and I admit there are times i still contemplate suicide but it really helps to have someone support you, like your sister. Thank you for joining in the hop and helping to spread awareness.
humhumbum AT yahoo DOT com
H.B. make sure to ask for help when you need it! There are so many who want to help, if you reach out. 🙂
I hope in the future “Liam” will be happy and be able to be himself. The hop is for a great cause.
I’m so glad you stopped in, Shirley. With such good friends, I think Liam will be just fine, thank you for your concern. 🙂
Dianne, I’m so glad you got through that time and that you are here, spreading the word on getting through the bad, horrible, ugly to find to the joy, happiness, and love. While not experiencing it myself, I know that it’s so difficult for those in pain to see an end to it other than the one they control. I’m glad there are people in the world trying to show them another way, people like you. Thank you so much for sharing.
caroaz [at] ymail [dot] com
Thank you for coming by, Carolyn. Like they say, it does get better! Hopefully we’re doing some good this week and letting people know we care. 🙂
Carolyn, you’re my winner! Thanks everyone!!
what a wonder blog hop and post. You are the greatest! I do wonder if we havent all experienced this at one tme or another. I wish Liam the best!! firstname.lastname@example.org
Hugs, Cathy! It’s great to see you participating. 🙂
It is brave to share your story, thank you. Thanks for being part of this special hop.
OceanAkers @ aol.com
Hi Juliana! Thank you for stopping by and showing your support. 🙂
Thanks for participating in such a worthwhile hop.
pjmillion (at) comcast (dot) net
Glad you made it by, Pam, and being part of this. 🙂
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