Hello! I’m so glad you made it by. It’s wonderful to see so many people participating in this hop, especially with suicide being so prevalent in the LGBT community. Though I would guess most of us are here because of our own experience with suicide, either through a loved one or even our own moment of hopelessness.
For me it was a night in September when I was fifteen years old. The sky was bright with stars! But my world had become a tiny, suffocating box that collapsed on me that night. I stood at the side of the deep end of the pool. It would be so easy! A single step, sink to the bottom, breathe in the cool water.
No more hurting inside, no aching loneliness. No more days locked in my room after school, safe from drunken parents and a lecherous brother who wouldn’t keep his FUCKING HANDS TO HIMSELF! No more days at school where the guys I liked ignored me, spent with a best girl friend who I could never tell how much I loved her because—God!—what a freak I’d be then.
What kept me going was my sister’s promise that once I graduated, I could come live with her. It was that reaching out that saved me, knowing there was someone in the world who cared. I think this is the single most important thing people need to hear: I care what happens to you.
I know of a young man, a friend of some friends—I’ll call him Liam because I’ve always liked that name. Liam is shy, sensitive, gay. Living at home because he can’t afford his own place, yet unable to come out to his parents because they’ve already said they’d disown a gay son.
This beautiful boy is made to feel like he’s a burden, unworthy of love by the very people who should be supporting him the most. He says it’s hard now to believe anyone could genuinely care about him, that he’s living in a box that’s growing smaller every day. (I know that desperate feeling!) And his friends sense a deep sadness in him that breaks my heart.
Though I wish there was something I could do for him, I know Liam’s going to make it through this hard time in his life, able to face whatever the future brings, because he has friends who love and support him, will be there for him no matter what.
That’s the message I’d like to send today. You’re not alone. There’s so many people, myself included, who’d give anything to help you if you’d only reach out.
You are wonderful. Valuable. Worthwhile. Loveable. Not because others think so, but simply because you are you, a unique soul joined with ours.
I care what happens to you.
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He chewed his lips, working on the puzzle as he removed his sweat-drenched uniform and stepped under the shower. God, the water felt fantastic on his aching shoulders. He listened to the quiet murmurs behind him then the closing of the locker room doors. Thinking himself alone, he turned under the hot spray, surprised to see his new teammates sitting on the bench by their locker.
For just an instant he allowed his hungry gaze to travel over them. Riley’s brown hair clung damply to his head, already curling on the ends. He’d dressed and was holding his socks while Austin spoke quietly to him. Riley’s shoulders slumped at something he said, and Austin touched his back, drew Riley against his shoulder. Luke held his breath, wondering if they’d kiss. God, he wanted to see them kiss. He’d caught them making out the other day behind the gym and had almost come at the erotic sight of touching tongues and lips and roving hands.
Stifling a groan, he faced the green-tiled walls again, wondering how to hide his fat erection from their eyes. He couldn’t stay there forever. Maybe they’d leave soon. He remembered their kiss and suddenly ached to have those plump lips on him, on his mouth and dick.
Pain twisted through him and he put a fist against the wall, rested his head on his arm to let the hot shower spray run down his back. He couldn’t be attracted to those gorgeous guy. His parents wouldn’t accept it. His father sure as hell wouldn’t accept a gay son. A little more than a year of school to go. Eighteen more months. He had to hang on and graduate. After that, well, he could fuck anyone he wanted. But until then, his old man held the purse strings and Luke had to dance to the straight-as-an-arrow path expected of him.
The silence stretched out in the locker room. Had they left? He glanced over his shoulder and lost his breath. They stood with their arms around each other, both sets of pretty eyes on him. Tension built between them, thick and heavy in the humid air. His cock throbbed in sympathy. Could they tell? Did they sense how hot he was for them?
He faced the tiled wall again. “Go away,” he muttered, and hoped they took the gruffness in his voice for anger and not the aching lust that pulsed through him. He winced at Riley’s small gasp. Damn, he hadn’t meant to hurt him, not after Gabe’s cruelty.
An apology was on the tip of his tongue, but the two guys were already heading across the locker room when he faced them. Austin opened the door for Riley and they strolled out without a backward glance. Probably for the best. He looked down at his thick cock pointing toward the door they’d left by.
“You and me both,” he murmured, and ran a finger down the thick vein on the underside of his dick. He’d dated a few girls, for appearances, but it was a guy’s mouth he wanted on him, fantasized about for as long as he could remember. Which one would it be, though? He shivered suddenly. Could he have both beautiful men?