Welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors where we share an
8 sentence snippet of our writing. You can find other great snippets HERE!
Hello! This week I’d like to share the opening paragraph to a psychological thriller I’ve written called THE SHED. I haven’t started edits on it yet, so if anything jumps out at you, please let me know!
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Scott glanced at his watch as he started the car and pulled onto the street. Damn. He was already ten minutes late for his appointment with Alex Elson. “Please wait,” he muttered and drove a little faster than prudent as he crossed town to the converted bungalow that housed his private practice. His patients at the clinic had seemed extra needy that day, especially Helen Kramer. Her nightmares had gotten worse, vivid and terrifying.
He sighed when traffic slowed in front of him. Though he’d been meeting with Alex for a few months, he knew the young man wasn’t thrilled with the arrangement. He could easily use Scott’s tardiness as an excuse to stop seeing him.
BLURB:
As a Certified Mental Health Therapist, Scott Reid has his share of interesting experiences, though nothing compares with the time he spends with the psychic, Alex Elson. Plagued by terrifying images and dreams, Alex turns to Doctor Reid in the hopes of learning to control his visions. Instead, Scott is pulled into Alex’s world, where dreams and reality mix and nightmares are real.
Two young men, brothers, have been abducted from the lake outside of Oakton without a trace of who took them. That is, until Alex receives a silver pocket watch in the mail belonging to the elder brother, a taunt from the kidnapper for Alex to come find them. Alex’s visions turn at once into nightmares. Images flash in his mind of an abandoned well and a terrified, lonely boy slowly dying at the bottom. The shed looms close by, holding a horrifying secret, a dark place Alex’s frightened mind refuses to go.
With the help of Scott Reid, Alex endeavors to control his visions and find the brutalized victims before death claims them. But the watch is ticking away and time’s running out.
Dianne Hartsock 
Oh wow what an interesting premise. Somehow I think Scott makes it to the appointment in time to see Alex. 😉
I can feel his frustration as everything seems to be slowing him down. Tense 8.
A good beginning that makes me want to know more. I’m wondering about the “arrangement” between Scott and Alex and why Alex would want to stop seeing him. LOVE the premise for the story. It sounds scary-good.
I feel the urgency and worry for his patient. You’ve painted the picture of a caring doctor. Good eight.
Shivery premise to this story, enjoyed the excerpt. Some days it does just seem as if the entire Universe conspires to slow a person down. Great snippet!
sounds Intriguing
for some reason I want to stick “was” in front of prudent
and drove a little faster than wasprudent
I think you’re right, Susan. 🙂
Excellent premise for a story and the snippet was tense, too. Nicely done!
Hi Dianne, great to meet you and welcome to Weekend Writing Warriors!
That’s a good opening, I’m a little hooked and wondering about the arrangement with Alex. The biggest thing to jump out at me is the use of the words ‘Please Wait.’ To me, that sounds more like a message from a slow app or a help desk phone queue than something a guy would say when he’s running late. It doesn’t seem to have much urgency to me like that.
This immediately got me thinking about the ‘late for an appointment’ sequence in Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul, but somehow I don’t think you’ll be able to use “Pray God I am not too soon!” with Scott. 😉
Thanks for your input! I’ll think about your comment on his ‘please wait’. Things have been going smoothly between them and this is more of a plea from Scott to Alex not to complicate things by missing his appointment.
I want to know about the arrangement with Alex. Intriguing beginning.
Hey, Dianne! *waving* Good seeing you again. I’m already hooked on this story.